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Stephanie Beavers

~ Always be yourself. Unless you can be a dragon. Then always be a dragon.

Tag Archives: writer

I, for one, welcome our feline overlords

06 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Fun

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#catswiththumbs, animals, author, cat, cats, cats with thumbs, entertainment, fun, humor, lion, lioness, lions, lol, pet, pets, Stephanie Beavers, world domination, writer

Now, we all know that the only thing standing between cats and world domination is the lack of opposable thumbs.

But what here’s an even more frightening thought: what if they don’t need even that?
Lion Learns To Open Car Doors

Nevermind computer overlords. Cats are the true kings (and queens) of the jungle… urban or otherwise?

This is proof that it’s only a matter of time, my friends. It’s only a matter of time.

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Pets to make you smile

02 Thursday Apr 2015

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animals, author, cat, cats, dog, dogs, fun, pet, pets, pig, smile, Stephanie Beavers, writer

loyal cat smile
obedient pig
lazy dog snow shovel
puppy child conspirator
Angie cat loves her jar

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Refrigerator Abductions

30 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Fun

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alien abduction, author, entertainment, fun, humor, lol, malevolent fridge, Stephanie Beavers, writer

So I was digging through some old stuff the other day and found a little excerpt of writing. I don’t know how long ago I wrote it, but it’s mildly amusing (if a little incomplete-feeling), so I thought I’d share it. Here goes:

“Fridges make noises when they run. They just do, and my family’s is no exception. I was lying in bed, and its pervasive hum filled my ears. Now, normally refrigerator humming isn’t my first choice of music, but recall that it was bedtime, so I was supposed to be sleeping. But tonight the fridge sounded different. It sounded strange. It sounded like an alien tractor beam.

Normally its tone was largely monotonous; tonight it slid between two tones: “wo-wo-wo-wo-wo.” I became convinced that our fridge had been abducted. It had been abducted, experimented on, and then returned without our ever having realized it had gone missing. While abducted, it had been implanted with malevolent sentience: our fridge was going to kill us all. That sound was the preparation of the tractor beam. As soon as we fell asleep, it would draw the first person inside. Once inside, one could claw and scream without ever being heard; death would be slow, by hypothermia.

It was up to me to remain vigilant; up to me to guard against this seemingly innocent kitchen appliance. No one else would suspect, but I knew: it had betrayed itself by warming the tractor beam too early.”

So there you have it, just a silly little snippet of writing, a tangent spurred by my environment.

What, I thought you wanted to know where writers got their ideas from?

evil killer fridge

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Selling Wine with Witty Reviews

26 Thursday Mar 2015

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alcohol, author, creativity, entertainment, fun, humor, sales, Stephanie Beavers, wine, wit, writer

So Jeff W. really knows how to sell wine.
wine rack review
wine review
wine review
wine review
wine review
wine review
wine review
wine review

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Navigating With Medieval Ingenuity

23 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in News

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archaeology, author, compass, history, magnets, navigation, sailing, science news, sociology, Stephanie Beavers, sunstones, Vikings, writer

Forget GPS: Medieval Compass Guided Vikings After Sunset

Navigation: today we use satellites. “Yesterday” we used magnets. Before that? Researchers are arguing Vikings may have used sunstones.

Sunstones can be used to track the position of the sun, even when it’s behind clouds or below the horizon. Now, researchers have figured out how it works. The theory is interesting.

A certain transparent calcite found commonly in Iceland can be used as a “sunstone.” Discovery News explains: “Light passing through such a crystal…changes in brightness and color as the crystal is rotated. Vikings presumably could have used such crystals to observe polarization patterns and thereby pinpoint the direction of the sun.” “[W]ith the crystal held up to the sky, there is one specific angle of rotation, called the isotropy point, at which the crystal eliminates all polarization of the light passing through it.” “The investigators say that if you look through the crystal in its depolarizing position and then pull it away suddenly from your line of sight, you can catch a glimpse of a faint, elongate yellowish pattern known as a Haidinger’s Brush. The key here is that the ends of that yellow shape point directly toward the sun.”

clear mineral calcite sunstone

When you know where the sun is, you can find your way. Researchers have found that this method of navigating is as accurate as using a magnetic compass, and more accurate than using stars. “Coupled with a second technique observing the changing polarization patterns passing through the crystal, also tested and described for the first time in this study, the Vikings could have established a reference point that could be used even when the sun was fully hidden, upping the sunstone’s accuracy to within 1 degree.”

Now the controversy comes in because no sunstone has been found in Viking villages or near Viking remains, although there are some scraps of art and literature remaining that suggest they may have used this tool.

There is a tendency in popular culture to describe past peoples are stupid, but they just didn’t have the foundation of accumulated knowledge that we have to work with. They were at least as smart as we are today, and discoveries of tools like this prove it.

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Language Quirks

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Life

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author, evolution, language, Stephanie Beavers, writer

Okay, I really want to know: how did THIS come about?

The other thing I want to know is, how would you spell that?

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The Breakfast Crusade

16 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Life

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author, breakfast, crusade, DeDutch, food, hashbrowns, menu change, potato chunks, Stephanie Beavers, writer

Breakfast is serious business. Just ask my boyfriend.

Every Sunday I get dragged out of bed (too early, in my opinion), to go eat breakfast at DeDutch. My boyfriend will literally bounce on the bed to get me up. (For the record, I love going to breakfast, just not that early.)

DeDutch serves many wonderful foods. I LOVE their tosties. They’re like grilled cheese sandwiches except full of awesome instead of just cheddar cheese. I like the spinach and feta with caramelized mushrooms and aoli sauce (I may be getting the name of the sauce wrong, but it’s super tasty). There’s also blueberry, brie and red onion (a bizarre but wonderful combination) and my other standby, the ham, edam, and pineapple tostie. They also have regular breakfast platters and something called a hashboat – hashbrowns mixed with cheese, hollandaise, mushrooms, and onions. Oh, and they all come with a little fruit bowl on the side. Mmmm…

Now while I mix things up, my boyfriend always gets the same thing: Canuck toast. More traditionally known as French toast, with bacon, eggs, and a side of hashbrowns.

Last Sunday, they changed the hashbrowns. I haven’t stopped hearing about it since.

The old hashrbowns were tiny little cubes. The new ones are large chunks of potato. My boyfriend has taken affront to this change.

Strongly-worded letters have been sent to the DeDutch head office since we learned that this abominable change was instigated on their order, not on the local level.

So please, show your support and also send letters to dedutch@dedutch.com, protesting the change from hashbrowns to potato chunks. Do it for me, and for all women who have to listen to their men when there’s a menu change on their favorite food.

Save the hashbrowns.

#SaveTheHashbrowns

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Epic Origami

12 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Fun

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art, author, creativity, fun, inspiration, origami, paper, Stephanie Beavers, writer

I’ve always been fascinated by origami. I mean, you can take a piece of paper – ANY piece of paper – and turn it into a three-dimensional creature solely by folding that piece of paper. How awesome is that? Who came up with that idea? “Gosh, I’m bored and all I have is this piece of paper. I know, I’ll fold it until it looks like a bird.” Really?

Now, I can do a bit of origami myself:

Origami dragon

My origami dragon. Of COURSE I can make a dragon.


origami flower lotus

The most complicated origami I can do. Still amateur level, trust me.

The problem with origami, however, is that it comes in three difficulties: easy, medium, and epically difficult. For example, compare the above to the below:
origami master of awesomeness
Now, I don’t know if this guy follows the “rules” of traditional origami (no cutting, gluing, etc, just folding), but who cares? This is awesome. And I will never be able to create anything close to these even WITH cutting, gluing, etc. Dinosaurs, skeletons, insects (centipedes!), angels, he does it all. Want to see? Check out his Flickr.
Btw, here’s HIS dragon:
origami dragon
My favorite? Probably this one:
origami angel

So readers, have you ever tried origami? Do you just make cranes? (Love cranes. Especially the ones with flapping wings.) Or are you an origami god like this guy? Or would you rather see the fruits of others’ paper-folding labors? Comment!

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The Evilest of All Evil Revenges

09 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Fun

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author, evil, glitter, humor, life, revenge, send glitter, Stephanie Beavers, writer

Ship Your Enemies Glitter
(Warning, the above site uses foul language.)

No really, it’s a real thing. And it’s evil.

They advertise:
“WE SEND GLITTER TO THE PEOPLE YOU HATE.
Glitter as a Service: want to tick* off someone you dislike for only $9.99? Let us send them some stupid* glitter that is guaranteed to go everywhere.”

*censored

Glitter is something children like because children don’t care about messes; they don’t have to clean them up. The rest of us? The rest of us hate glitter, because, as mentioned above, it gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. This site will send glitter to someone upon whom you wish to inflict a terrible, terrible fate upon.

I avoid greeting cards, Christmas ornaments, and pretty much any other item with glitter on it. Oh yeah, sparkles=yay and all that, but I don’t like glitter in the carpet, on my clothes, in my vehicle, nor in numerous other places the glitter will inevitably stick.

So if you hate someone, you now have the option to send them glitter. Use this power wisely.

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Cats, Dogs, and Cats Using Dogs As Pillows

05 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by Stephanie Beavers in Fun

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animals, author, cat, cats, dog, dogs, entertainment, friends, fun, lol, naps, pals, pet, pets, pillows, sleeping, Stephanie Beavers, writer

I Can Has Cheezburger featured this: Cats Are Teaching Dogs to be the Fluffy Pillows they Are I of course felt the need to share these adorable images below.

cat dog pillow
cat naps on dog
Dog is kitty's pillow
Fluffy doggy pillow for cat
Kittten sleeps on fluffy dog
cat and dog pals chilling
Snuggle me or die, cat and dogs
cat wrestles dog
kitten rides dog
cat and dog nap together
cat sleeping with dog friend
cat kneads dogs face
cat is passed out with the dog keeping watch
cat dares  dog to move and ruin the comfy
kitten attacks dog... presumably because he interrupted nap time

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Calling - Ebook Calling On Fire by Stephanie Beavers!
Two brothers with magical abilities seek to stop an evil mage only to find the fate of an entire race in their hands.
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Disclaimer: The "be a dragon" quote is not mine. If you know who originally said it, please let me know so I can give due credit!

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